I'm stressed. Having a glass of wine. Will probably have another and finish the bottle.
That's really all I wanted to say. I don't have the energy to type anything else! :)
Hope everyone has a great week.
Here's a tip:
15 years ago
Monday, January 26, 2009
Friday, January 23, 2009
A necessary evil
I know I have to work...right now I have to...but I wish I didn't. I can't help but get jealous over the time her Nana and Dad (even if it is off and on) get to spend with her during the day. Don't get me wrong, I am SO thankful that we are blessed to have Grandma watching her! But the little things she does that I don't get to see...sure, it's hard.
I missed her a lot this week. I really only get to see her for a couple of hours when I get home, and when part of that time is feeding, it doesn't leave a whole lot of time for her and I. We have her on a rough routine of getting to bed between 8pm-9pm, and she will sleep for about 6-7 hours. It seems less to me...because I don't go to bed until 12. It's so difficult to balance baby and everything else.
One of the "everything else" is my diet/exercise. I have to get a handle on this. I think we'll go to the park tomorrow after work. It is supposed to be a high of 62. This after 2 weeks of bitter cold. I'll bet that I still have ice on my windshield tomorrow.
Ah well, time for bed.
I missed her a lot this week. I really only get to see her for a couple of hours when I get home, and when part of that time is feeding, it doesn't leave a whole lot of time for her and I. We have her on a rough routine of getting to bed between 8pm-9pm, and she will sleep for about 6-7 hours. It seems less to me...because I don't go to bed until 12. It's so difficult to balance baby and everything else.
One of the "everything else" is my diet/exercise. I have to get a handle on this. I think we'll go to the park tomorrow after work. It is supposed to be a high of 62. This after 2 weeks of bitter cold. I'll bet that I still have ice on my windshield tomorrow.
Ah well, time for bed.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
The many little things
She’s so funny. It’s amazing how somebody so small in age, body and mind can have such a personality. She already has a few idiosyncrasies. She hates hats…or anything covering her head. When she’s ready to eat, the girls ready to eat. Her mouth chops about 10 times a second til I make her open wide so she doesn’t further damage my poor ladies. She has full conversations with me. Really. Facial expressions and all. Her favorite words right now are: Ah-goo. Ah-boo. Owwww. Gurgle…ok that’s more of a sound. She’s been smiling since the day she was born. She is starting to giggle!!! One of her (and mine) favorite things to do right now is I hold her in my hands, and bounce her up and down 3 times, saying “HI, HI, HI!!!”. She thinks its hilarious! She prefers tummy time on my or Prestons chest versus a floor mat.
And I don’t want to brag or seem partial, but my kid is smart. Alongside the daily conversation, she’s had great head control since about 4 weeks. She can’t hold her head up fully yet of course, and it’s improving everyday, but it’s amazing how well she’s doing. Her Nana (Prestons Mom) says she can’t believe the things she can do. She says that my nephew (who is about 7-8 months older) wasn’t doing those things that early. Of course this makes me all warm inside. I just hope that I do enough for her to nurture her intelligence.
It’s hard being a working Mom. Really hard. I am thisclose to having a breakdown today. I feel very run down…mentally, physically, emotionally. I’ve been going to bed no earlier than 12 every night. I can’t complain, but she is waking up 1-2 times a night, around 3am then again around 6-6:30. I sometimes may have to be up around that time to pump, depending on my performance the day before (pumping-wise). She needs at least 3oz a feeding, 3 times a day. I wish I would produce more milk.
Pumping at work…yeah. It’s fine, and luckily I have an office that I can go into. It can get kind of cold in there though. It’s a conference room in the back of the building but at least it has a lock, frosted glass and shades to shut for privacy. Really it’s ideal. It takes me around 15-20 minutes just to pump. It’s difficult trying to fit a full pump session from start to finish into a 15 minute break. Ain’t gonna happen. I try to have my parts cleaned and ready to go, but with the hectic schedule in the morning, sometimes that isn’t possible. I even forgot my cones in the refridgerator yesterday. I went a whole 6 hours without pumping (I usually pump every 2 ½ - 3 hours). Needless to say, I got 5 ½ ounces in that session. I had to drive home to do it though. Luckily my sister who is in town for a week was able to make me a sandwich for lunch.
I am really, really trying to stick this breastfeeding out. REALLY. But this is hard, HARD work. I read an article that suggests, along with the other 50 pieces of literature that I have read, that you should BF at least 6 months and that 1 year would be ideal. Ughhhhhhhhhhh. Like I said, I am really going to try to stick through it as long as I can. I am going to ask the pediatrician at her 2 month appointment how to introduce formula into her diet. I only want to do ½ oz or 1oz a feeding for now. Just so she’ll get the taste of it and be a little more full at the feeding. She can sure suck down a bottle. I was gone Sunday night with my sister to Babies R Us and the grocery store…and Preston gave her 7 oz in 3 hours. Yeah. That would have been the reason why I needed to pump 2x that night and in the morning to get her milk. I was none too happy. I just can’t believe she ate that much in that short of a time period.
My 2nd week back to work has been OK. I don’t feel like a mental breakdown from just missing the baby, so that is good. I am going to need to work on my arrival time though, otherwise I’m waving a red flag to my new boss…HEY, I’M A DELINQUENT!!! Being on time was never one of my strong suits. And it’s not that I don’t respect other peoples time, I just can’t get going fast enough. I do NOT like getting up in the morning. I hate mornings. But I guess it’s not about me any more. I’m slowly and painfully getting used to it.
I’m exhausted now. I can’t wait to go home.
And I don’t want to brag or seem partial, but my kid is smart. Alongside the daily conversation, she’s had great head control since about 4 weeks. She can’t hold her head up fully yet of course, and it’s improving everyday, but it’s amazing how well she’s doing. Her Nana (Prestons Mom) says she can’t believe the things she can do. She says that my nephew (who is about 7-8 months older) wasn’t doing those things that early. Of course this makes me all warm inside. I just hope that I do enough for her to nurture her intelligence.
It’s hard being a working Mom. Really hard. I am thisclose to having a breakdown today. I feel very run down…mentally, physically, emotionally. I’ve been going to bed no earlier than 12 every night. I can’t complain, but she is waking up 1-2 times a night, around 3am then again around 6-6:30. I sometimes may have to be up around that time to pump, depending on my performance the day before (pumping-wise). She needs at least 3oz a feeding, 3 times a day. I wish I would produce more milk.
Pumping at work…yeah. It’s fine, and luckily I have an office that I can go into. It can get kind of cold in there though. It’s a conference room in the back of the building but at least it has a lock, frosted glass and shades to shut for privacy. Really it’s ideal. It takes me around 15-20 minutes just to pump. It’s difficult trying to fit a full pump session from start to finish into a 15 minute break. Ain’t gonna happen. I try to have my parts cleaned and ready to go, but with the hectic schedule in the morning, sometimes that isn’t possible. I even forgot my cones in the refridgerator yesterday. I went a whole 6 hours without pumping (I usually pump every 2 ½ - 3 hours). Needless to say, I got 5 ½ ounces in that session. I had to drive home to do it though. Luckily my sister who is in town for a week was able to make me a sandwich for lunch.
I am really, really trying to stick this breastfeeding out. REALLY. But this is hard, HARD work. I read an article that suggests, along with the other 50 pieces of literature that I have read, that you should BF at least 6 months and that 1 year would be ideal. Ughhhhhhhhhhh. Like I said, I am really going to try to stick through it as long as I can. I am going to ask the pediatrician at her 2 month appointment how to introduce formula into her diet. I only want to do ½ oz or 1oz a feeding for now. Just so she’ll get the taste of it and be a little more full at the feeding. She can sure suck down a bottle. I was gone Sunday night with my sister to Babies R Us and the grocery store…and Preston gave her 7 oz in 3 hours. Yeah. That would have been the reason why I needed to pump 2x that night and in the morning to get her milk. I was none too happy. I just can’t believe she ate that much in that short of a time period.
My 2nd week back to work has been OK. I don’t feel like a mental breakdown from just missing the baby, so that is good. I am going to need to work on my arrival time though, otherwise I’m waving a red flag to my new boss…HEY, I’M A DELINQUENT!!! Being on time was never one of my strong suits. And it’s not that I don’t respect other peoples time, I just can’t get going fast enough. I do NOT like getting up in the morning. I hate mornings. But I guess it’s not about me any more. I’m slowly and painfully getting used to it.
I’m exhausted now. I can’t wait to go home.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Back to work
Got my things packed and ready the night before. Lunch, snacks...massive amount of snacks because of the hunger pumping leaves me in. Got up at 6am. Fed her, pumped, showered, out the door at 7:40 am...even arrived a little early (not-typical!) I was fine. She was sleeping when I left which I think definately helped the transition. I forced myself to not think about her. Then got a call from Preston on the way there. I broke down. Calmed myself before coming into the office. I was good the whole day...even when he called to give me an update letting me know she was ok with her Nana (his Mom). I got into my truck with a sense of excitement and urgency. Pulled out of the parking lot, then came the waterworks.
I cried hysterically the whole way home, yet was still very excited. I drove about 45-50 the whole way...all in 35mph zones. I have a lead foot anyway. I got it together and walked up to the apartment and came in to her sleeping on Nana. I said immediately, "I have to hold her!". I picked her up...crying again.
All in all a good day. Today is better. It is the only way to get through is to put up a virtual wall. I of course WANT to know how she is doing...but I think for this week I'll just ESP her and just KNOW she is ok. :)
Mom called last night to check to see how my 1st day back was. That was nice. She also told me that my cousin got married. And that they are pregnant. I think the kid needs a talking to about birth control. (He has another child not 2 years old...) Oh well. I hope they live long and happy lives together.
I'm at work right now...guess the wall went down a little today. Ah well, back to work.
I cried hysterically the whole way home, yet was still very excited. I drove about 45-50 the whole way...all in 35mph zones. I have a lead foot anyway. I got it together and walked up to the apartment and came in to her sleeping on Nana. I said immediately, "I have to hold her!". I picked her up...crying again.
All in all a good day. Today is better. It is the only way to get through is to put up a virtual wall. I of course WANT to know how she is doing...but I think for this week I'll just ESP her and just KNOW she is ok. :)
Mom called last night to check to see how my 1st day back was. That was nice. She also told me that my cousin got married. And that they are pregnant. I think the kid needs a talking to about birth control. (He has another child not 2 years old...) Oh well. I hope they live long and happy lives together.
I'm at work right now...guess the wall went down a little today. Ah well, back to work.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
2009!
What a year 2008 has been! And what a year 2009 will be! I'm so excited to see all of the great things to come, and watch my family grow.
We had a great Christmas. Miss Addy got a boatload of stuff, including clothes, books, toys...all of which I have no room for in my tiny apartment. Mom and Dad didn't do so shabby either. I got a new purse =) We went to Fall Creek Falls, TN which is a state park. His family gets together every other year and has a reunion. It was nice seeing them again. Unfortunately his grandma Sally passed away this year. She was very much missed. I thought about her often. Grandad seems to be doing well. He seemed very happy to be around his loved ones. He especially enjoyed meeting his great grandson and great granddaughter.
Unfortunately Addison has come down with a cold. It is the same cold that our cousins child Selah had, which was passed onto our nephew Agustin. It thankfully is a no-fever cold...but still nagging and bothersome to say the least. I hope she can get over it soon, and that Preston and I will not catch it. Neither of us have gotten a flu shot at this point, and I'm hoping we can avoid catching a cold til at least mid January when we can get the shots. We were able to see the doctor at the very last minute. They basically kept the office open for us as we pretty much made a last ditch effort to see the dr. They only were open 1/2 day today due to the holiday...She is now 12lbs 1oz!
Tonight was uneventful but relaxing. We put the baby to bed around 10pm, we ate dinner and watched The Fugitive. I'd never seen it before. Definately a good movie!
I will be working on a few things tomorrow: cleaning the apartment, and starting the list of goals for 2009 for myself and my family. This is something that I've started to do every year. Some are met, others not so much, but they are a good reminder that we can always better ourselves in some way and improve. If anything, they are a momento in remembering the year before!
Time for bed now.
We had a great Christmas. Miss Addy got a boatload of stuff, including clothes, books, toys...all of which I have no room for in my tiny apartment. Mom and Dad didn't do so shabby either. I got a new purse =) We went to Fall Creek Falls, TN which is a state park. His family gets together every other year and has a reunion. It was nice seeing them again. Unfortunately his grandma Sally passed away this year. She was very much missed. I thought about her often. Grandad seems to be doing well. He seemed very happy to be around his loved ones. He especially enjoyed meeting his great grandson and great granddaughter.
Unfortunately Addison has come down with a cold. It is the same cold that our cousins child Selah had, which was passed onto our nephew Agustin. It thankfully is a no-fever cold...but still nagging and bothersome to say the least. I hope she can get over it soon, and that Preston and I will not catch it. Neither of us have gotten a flu shot at this point, and I'm hoping we can avoid catching a cold til at least mid January when we can get the shots. We were able to see the doctor at the very last minute. They basically kept the office open for us as we pretty much made a last ditch effort to see the dr. They only were open 1/2 day today due to the holiday...She is now 12lbs 1oz!
Tonight was uneventful but relaxing. We put the baby to bed around 10pm, we ate dinner and watched The Fugitive. I'd never seen it before. Definately a good movie!
I will be working on a few things tomorrow: cleaning the apartment, and starting the list of goals for 2009 for myself and my family. This is something that I've started to do every year. Some are met, others not so much, but they are a good reminder that we can always better ourselves in some way and improve. If anything, they are a momento in remembering the year before!
Time for bed now.
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