Last post: January 7th, 2010. Unacceptable!! I can't believe I've went almost an entire year and not posted a damn thing...in retrospect though, it was a trying year.
I'll give a short run-thru on what I can remember...we had to move into my MIL's due to finances. While all of her help was appreciated, we should have just moved to a cheaper place. Living with ANYONE is going to be difficult, especially when you are used to doing everything your way. We'd lived and been on our own since around the 3rd month of dating. We got our 1st apartment and enjoyed every second of it.
I lost my job mid-June (where I'd been working for over 2 years) because of a manager and team that despised me. I only had a handful of people there that I could count on. Unfortunately, this combined with a living situation and decrease in our income was a great recipe for depression. It was something that I had a very difficult time pulling myself out of, and unfortunately lasted for several months.
Addison to this day, continues to be a joy. She is my everything. She and Preston were the only things driving me to continue even on my darkest days. She is so smart. She picks up information like a sponge. She is talking SO much now...and thanks to the North Country, she's learned her first curse word. "Oh shit"...
I realized about July that we/I needed a change. I'd been talking to Pres for the past year pretty hardcore about moving. That my family was here...that we'd have more of a support system, etc. I also felt that it would help pull me out of my funk. I set the wheels in motion after months of debate...asked my Dad if he might be able to come help...set up living arrangements with my sister (6 months of rent-free stay)...my buddy Val so generously offering to help with a couple of bills...everything in motion.
One thing that did put a damper on the excitement of moving though...our beloved (?...a question mark because he was not a friendly animal to 99% of things he came into contact with) cat Bobbie, who we'd had since we started dating, disappeared. He seemed to be eating less but was acting ok otherwise, left one day and never came back. He was a tough cat right until the end...but having him leave us so suddenly really stung. I called him for weeks. Looked around the streets, woods...I just hope that he died quickly and didn't suffer. I love him and miss him very much, and will never forget him. RIP Bobbie...<3
The end of September came quickly. MIL was devastated of course. Addy has been with her since birth...I can't blame her. Her time with Addy was cut short due to the short time notice and her leaving town for the Galapagos. She said prior to leaving that it would essentially "ruin her trip" if we left...but in my heart, I knew it was something that had to be done. My father came and stayed around a week. His truck in tow, able to pull the biggest pull-behind U-haul (that we could afford), and the frantic packing process began.
Long story short, we had to leave many things behind. You really do not realize how much SHIT you have until you move...particurlarly when moving. Major essentials were left behind...dressers, a brand new recliner...clothing...Mamas "fun toys"....oh yes. MAJOR essentials! And so, we have them stored at MIL's until we can get back there, or until Mom and Dad are able to bring some things back on the chance they decide to take a trip there.
The last day and a half is a blur. We continued packing into the night and into the morning the next day. The house was left in disarray. The night before, his father and aunt told us that they would have no problem cleaning up (seeing how the house looked and the little time we had) after we left. We got up around 5am, packed the vehicles to their bursting point, and took off: Dad in his truck w/the U-haul, Pres and Hudson in the Sonoma, and myself and Addy in the Nissan.
The trip was long and exhausting. I'd never driven that far, that long in my life. I had to call it early on the 1st day, because I was so tired. Unfortunately this left us with around 11+ hours of driving the next day. I can't lie...I was thisclose to nodding off a few times. I told the guys to pull off at rest stops when I could. Having your child in the car and knowing you could kill the both of you because you are tired...well it just isn't an option. The 2nd day seemed worse. Traveling to the most Northern tip of NY is a daunting task. You hit NY, only to have to drive another 6+ hours. And it's nothing but forest. Nothing interesting to look at. Just TREES.
We finally arrived on October 5th, 2010 at around 7pm at my parents house in Malone, NY. My hometown. I never thought I would be so happy to see that place again.
Since our stay here (today is December 30th, 2010), it has been a mixed bag of emotions. Our first month seemed to go ok. My sisters was a small house on a main drag...mixed in with his children coming every other weekend. Makes for a pretty full house: 4 adults, 1 infant, 2-3 other children, 2 dogs, and 2 cats...but like I said, the first month went ok. Fairly drama-free, no issues...
I think it was a few days or a week before we hit our first 1 month anniversary when drama and problems reared their ugly head. There are too many things to mention. A multitude of things such as being asked for rent, dealing with a personality in the house (that has multiple personalities)...and ultimately dealing with someone who just wants you out of sight in your own home. We are coming up on our 3 month anniversary of being here (and just having the 2 1/2 month anniv. of actually living in this house) and it seems like an eternity.
We've both said, "we thought it would be different"...which makes me think, did I do the RIGHT thing by moving us here? It's something that I've been asking myself constantly. Luckily, Pres was able to find a job within about 3 weeks of being here. I am still looking. I have a 2nd interview with an established trucking company next week. I am crossing my fingers. Otherwise, I will be searching out retail and restraunts.
We've been advised we must move by February 1st. We will not have been here
4 months when we will be kicked out. The funny (?) thing is, my sister didn't even have the balls to tell me this. And more than likely, wouldn't have brought it up at all. This was communicated through her FI to Preston, who then passed it to me. Anyone who knows me knows that I don't keep quiet for long about things that are bothering me, so naturally it had to come out in conversation somewhere. The excuse I got? "You are difficult to talk to". Gee. You'd think if I was kicking MY sister out, I'd at least have the balls to tell her. In the end, it's best for everyone, but it's still a knife in the heart. I didn't expect it to be easy. Any of it, but I at least expected my family to act like...well...FAMILY.
I have been saying since we moved in, "If the shoe was on the other foot"...and it's true. I'm not so heartless as to kick my sister and her family out on their ass because my husband can't "handle" it. I'd tell him to get the fuck over it...but I guess some relationships don't work that way. And I'll never understand it. Maybe it's not for me to understand. But that doesn't mean I have to be accepting of their relationship. It's not a state secret that I fucking HATED him when they first started dating. I don't think it's normal for someone 16 years a MINORS senior to be dating an 18 year old. I think it's disgusting. I told both of them how I felt. And this pushed my sister away for years. I finally came to find my own "peace" with it, and figured if she is going to find out it's a mistake, then she's going to have to find out on her own. A little reverse psychology? Just don't say anything...
Then our wedding in 07 came around. He helped out so much and helped to make our day wonderful. It helped me to be accepting of their relationship and I backed off. But now seeing what I've seen, heard what I've heard, and experienced what they live...I find it difficult to continue to be supporting. When you are told (from Pres of course) that I "manipulate my sister everytime I speak to her"....and that "he would benefit more out of them getting married if they got divorced"...I'm sorry. Warm and fuzzy doesn't become me. Warm and fuzzy has officially left the building.
So, we're about a month away from moving. We have yet to find an apartment (we're more than likely moving in w/my brother to help save on $$...) and things again, seem to be in disarray. I can only hope that in moving out of here, things will start to fall into place, and we can finally call this town, "Home".
Hope everyone has a happy and prosperous 2011!
"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."
-Dolly Parton
